Love Me {CSI Case File No. 159}

We've got a brand-new Case File open for investigation at CSI: Color, Stories, Inspiration:

Here's my page. Clues I used...Evidence: doodling/scribbles, feathers, flowers, leaves, grid pattern, rub-ons, stamps, jewels, mixed media, scallops, decorative border, love accents, spread your title across your photo; Testimony: Inspiration words.

Here are some details: I used a Prima stencil with texture paste mixed with purple acrylic paint to make the background. I tried my hand at the pencil scribbles I see so many people doing. I also splattered various colors of mist and outlined the drops for my doodling clue. That frame behind my photo is cut from a Teresa Collins paper. I didn't mean for that bird to land there, but I was trying it out in various places for the feature clue, and it decided to stick itself to my photo and wouldn't let go, so there she stayed. I found various old papers in my stash in purple. The polka dot is by Making Memories and the mesh print is by SEI. The blue polka dot paper is by Chatterbox, and the blue and white paper is by SEI, I think. All old scraps from my stash.

The title was cut out on my Silhouette Cameo. I added the word Me with rub-on letters to the little jewelry tag. I'm so flower challenged, but I had some purple flowers in my stash, and flowers were on the clue list, so I went fo rit. The black rub-ons are super-duper old. They're by BasicGrey.

The purple border is a rub-on by Autumn Leaves that has sat in my stash forever. The "documented" stamp is by Studio Calico--it's one of those roller stamps, and I chose that to indicate that I documented my story on the back. My journaling reads:

The Scene on the Case File I used to make this page had the message "Love Who You Are." Tracee convinced me it was a good message to document. Loving who I am is something I've struggled with my whole life.

I've always been a perfectionist and held very high expectations for myself. But of course, perfection is an impossible condition in our human form. I'm flawed. Highly flawed. And it can be hard to love yourself when you've got all these flaws making you feel unlovable. 

Growing up with a a stepfather who abused me only added to these feelings of being unlovable. 

As an adult, my weight struggles especially have plagued me to the point where I've been so angry with myself and felt like a complete failure. 

Whenever I had lost a bunch of weight, I'd start to feel like I could love myself. But then I'd gain it all back, plus more. It's been a constant battle of one step forward two steps back for the past three decades. When I'm heavy, I hate the way I look. I avoid the camera. I hide from social situations. I feel self-conscious.

It makes me sad to think that this shell that is the body I live in has made me feel this way. I'm more than this outer covering. I'm a soul that God made and loves--and that makes me beautiful. 

I'm slowly learning to accept and believe this truth. Just last week I had a breakthrough with my weight-loss journey when I realized that I am spending more time feeding myself positive talk than the negative talk of "I have no self control." I know it's a small step toward learning to love myself. I know it'll be journey. But I believe I can get there with God's help. If my awesome God--the Creator of the Universe--loves me, then, who am I not to love myself?

I hope you'll play along with us and solve this beautiful Case File. Lots of reasons to solve this Case File...

1. It's super-fun!
2. It's one of the Case Files to solve for our design team call.
3. You could win a fabulous prize from one of our 4 sponsors SistersArt Creation, SODAlicious, Vilda Stamps, and Flying Unicorn.